I'm wearing the prettiest new scarf today that I couldn't resist buying while at Target last week. It's soft pink blending into white with delicate flowers that whisper spring. I need spring these days, even if it's only around my neck.
We were at Target shopping for -- elastic. My long-suffering husband waited as I tried on way-too-big, way-too-small, and just right elastic-waist pants. That's right! I'm sporting the elastic waists these days. And loving it. I'm so much more comfortable with that extra bit of room. We also invested in a belly band, making my pre-prego pants wearable for awhile yet. I giggle with the secret that my pants are really unbuttoned all day.
But I think you would agree with me that I need the extra room:
That's a new shirt, too, and I'm excited about it because it's a "9 month shirt", so technically it should fit throughout the whole pregnancy and grow with me, making it my unofficial baby bump photo shirt unless I decide otherwise. ;)
I never thought I'd be excited about my expanding figure, but there is a part of me that says, "Come on! Show more! Look pregnant already!!" It's a small part, though, because Rational Me knows that the sooner I grow, the longer I carry that weight around! I can wait for the weight.
It's been a while since I blogged because I've been too sick to even think about it; coping with The Quease has taken all my energy. I'm very much hoping that now that I've hit the second trimester it will magically go away. I've heard from several ladies that they woke up one morning and *poof* it was gone. I'm waiting for that morning....please be tomorrow!!
So let's catch up...
My cravings have been ALL. OVER. the place. Cravings are funny, aren't they? They aren't temptations to be naughty with your diet (i.e. "Mmmm, that chocolate cake looks good...I should have a piece, but I really shouldn't!"). No, no. Cravings, at least my pregnancy cravings, are intense demands that must be met immediately or the world is going to end. And when they aren't able to be met immediately, I mourn. It's the only word to accurately describe that feeling. I mourn for the end of the world.
The most intense craving I've experienced so far was only barely met. I wanted a chicken salad sandwich. But not just any chicken salad sandwich. A chicken salad sandwich from Wawa. Yes, a gas station. If you've never been there, don't judge. It's like nothing you've ever experienced by way of gas stations. This particular sandwich had to have ranch, parmesan, vinegar, green peppers, pickles, lettuce, and sweet peppers. And it had to be from Wawa. Problem? I'm not in Virginia anymore. End. Of. The. World.
I spent 2+ hours scouring the internet and making phone calls to local cafes and sandwich shops. Guess what? Jimmy John's does not have chicken salad. Nor does Subway. Scratch off the two closest places to work. Corner Bakery puts walnuts and grapes in theirs (no, thank you!). Snarf's is just chicken and mayo. Same with Which Wich and they are too far away anyway.
But then -- I found it.
Fat Jack's Subs, independently owned, makes a Dixie Chicken Salad. Dixie=Virginia=Wawa in my book. Plus, they advertised it as having "special, secret sauces." Sold. I know Wawa does not just use mayo. 30 minutes later it was mine, delivered to my desk! Chicken salad, lettuce, cucumbers, oil and vinegar, banana peppers, green peppers, and ranch. So not exactly what I wanted, but so darn close. And yes, the whole ordeal was indeed worth sharing with you. Don't mess with cravings, man.
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Enough about me -- you want to hear about Little One. Well, I am very happy to say that he/she is growing very well! We had a doctor's appointment and ultra sound a week ago. That gel is cold! Don't let them tell you it's been warmed. Watch them feign shock when you say it's cold. It's cold (and they know it!). And totally worth it.
Little One is certainly a performer or athlete already. It was thrashing about, kicking and stretching, and I'm pretty sure a right hook was thrown at some point. How absolutely enchanting to watch it moving around so vigorously.
I've been feeling it flutter since about Week 10, early I know, but I'm thin so I figure there's not much between us. It's the most special feeling in all the world...well, that, and the look of absolute love, delight, and joy in my husband's eyes when he talks to my belly. He can make Little One flutter just by talking to it. It LOVES when he laughs and sings. Flutter storms.
It's a baby! An actual baby-looking baby! No more a blob. And it's beautiful.
Everyday (during my not-sick moments) I get a little more excited about the thought that we're having a baby. "Well, excited and scared" to quote Little Red of Into the Woods (more on that later!), but excited nonetheless. If I'm honest, during those first few weeks I was much more scared, and even a little angry, than excited. And maybe more than a "little" angry. After all, we didn't plan this, and if you know me, I'm a planner. I had most of this year planned out already, actually. I was cast in a musical at a really great theatre that closes 2 weeks before my due date. Obviously, I'm not doing that show anymore -- unless they need a tap dancing hippo! I'm bummed about it because it is directed by a pretty prominent director in this area. It's been a while since I've been in a dance show that I haven't choreographed.
I had held onto this little fantasy that when we were ready (you know, in 4 years or so), we would decide it was "time" and when we saw those two pink lines it would be the most exciting moment because it was what we really, really wanted, not a frightening, shocking experience with periodic, brief excitement. Up until about 2 weeks ago, I've done more crying and freaking out than rejoicing about it all. NOT the way I wanted to react. Of course, being so sick all the time did not help things. With my whole world changing course and my body rebelling against me -- how could I not be a little upset?? (Grace, right?)
Little One wasn't in my plans, and I'm still reconciling that a bit with my faith in God's timing and sovereign will (perhaps I'll write more in depth later!), but suffice it to say that ultrasounds and flutter storms are inspiring me to turn to Landon with a glow and a bit of wonder and say with honest happiness, "We're having a baby!!"
Granted, we have a LOT to figure out before Little One gets here and then a LOT more to figure out once we're parents but right now I'm excited to be 14 weeks and showing and eating chicken salad and wearing new clothes and treasuring moments. If I've noticed any shift in myself, it's that I'm living more "in the moment" than I have ever in life. Each moment is different and I have to treasure the good ones (like when my husband sings me to sleep on a particularly sick night) and push through the bad....or rather, learn to wait through the bad (watching Numb3rs helps!).
An interesting tidbit : I've already been pregnant longer than we were engaged! You have to know that waiting long periods of time is hard for me!!! Moment by moment...
Tune in next time for more on how Sondheim and pregnancy brain are really, really not friends.